I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Are my feet made of real feet?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
