She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
