Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
