It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
