Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
