Will you blow on my dice?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
