chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
