You made me cry and you don't even care
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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