I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
