Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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