I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
