She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
