I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
