If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
