I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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