I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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