Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
