between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
