operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
