dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
