3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
