She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
