Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
