why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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