my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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