It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
