Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
