he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My penis needs a shock collar
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
