Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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