none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
