Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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