Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
