but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
