you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm getting married
To pizza
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
