dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Randomize
