I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
