i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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