Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
