I accidentally had phone sex last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
