I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
