I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
