I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
