based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
