and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
