I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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