I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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