I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your penis caused this!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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