my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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