what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
