drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
