He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
