Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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