How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
