you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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