you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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